POOR LITTLE ME

I had a ‘poor-little-me’ day yesterday. One of those times when my grandmother would have patted my shoulder in sympathy; say to me “There, there, now.” give me 10 minutes alone to dwell on how unfortunate I was….then follow that up with a verbal boot in the butt. “Get moving! Nothing is gained by sitting around whining!!!” What a lady she was!!!

I know she’d had given me a swat on the back of the head if she’d heard me talking to my sons last night. A well deserved swat, too! The thing is, I was aware even as I speaking that I was acting like a spoiled brat – an ungrateful wretch – a grumpy old lady – but did I stop? Fat chance. I was too caught up in my manufactured misery. In that kind of mood, one should NOT pick up the telephone!! It’s a sure thing that you’ll have to pick it up again the next day to apologize. This is exactly what I’ll be doing later – as soon as they’ve had time to get out of bed.

The work day ended badly. My associate, who has bigger problems than I do, was unable to keep his end of our agreement. It left me scrambling big-time to cover bases at the office, with only partial success. The nagging suspicion that he was holding back didn’t help. I’m probably wrong about that too, but sometimes intuition wins out. The uncertainty bugged me. One thought led to another, then to another. Instead of anger, which is a healthy emotion when used correctly, my frustration degenerated into self-pity. You know the kind? The ‘what did I do to deserve this?’; ‘I’ve worked so hard and it’s not fair’; ‘Nobody cares’….YUCK!

I was totally in the sob-basket by the time I got home. My son and grandson had returned my BBQ (it had been lent for that terrific birthday party last week), but forgot to return the propane tank. Poor little me had to go pick that up. The BBQ was used all week by my teenaged grandson & his cronies, and was not cleaned. Poor little me will have to clean it. The dog food bag was empty. If poor little me didn’t have to feed the neighbour’s dog (the beautiful Lucas), poor little me would not have to buy more dog food. You get the picture?

While at the house, my son left my belated birthday gift (from the 3 kids) on the counter. It hadn’t arrived in time for the big day, and he was all excited to call and tell me where to find it on arriving home. It was a KINDLE (i-book), which he had plugged in to prepare it for use. My children know I’m an avid reader; they’ve carried box after box of heavy books each time I’ve moved. It’s a wonderful, thoughtful, useful, and spectacular gift; one that IS enormously appreciated. SO…I called and was effusive in my heartfelt thanks, right? Wrong!

I spoke to each of my sons (my daughter is still away on vacation), and to each I used the same lament: oh yeh, thanks, nice gift, but I can’t use it here. You know there’s no wireless reception in the bush, right? So I’ll have to lug it to the office. And I have to register it – but it’s not in my name. Could be a problem. Also have to pay to download books – not free, you know. Pretty broke right now, so I’ll just put it away and wait until whenever….yada yada….. DOUBLE YUCK!

I’m thoroughly ashamed of myself. But shame is a negative emotion too, so the sooner I call my sons, the better. Maybe the pain on the back of my head will disappear then too. I think Grandma stopped by in my dreams last night.

It was one of those days. And why did I write it here? Because misery loves company, of course, LOL!

I’m back with the SMILE this morning, and maybe this post has put your smile on too. If so, try wearing it for the rest of the day – it’s the best thing we’ve got!!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec