WONDERING...a poem

Wondering....

And into the sudden hurt
Of a small request ignored, denied,
Edges the scene
Of those nights awake
Exhausted, while others slept,
Wetting that little body
Over and over with cool water
To help him breathe.
Hospital hours
In a mask,
Forbidden to hold or caress
But staying,
Wanting him to feel safe
In the midst of
My own panic.
Many times, many ways, always
Holding out my hand
So he could grab on.
Wondering how
He can be unaware
Of the pain,
Of how carelessly
He is burying me.
Wondering if
He would hear
The terrible secret,
Would it be different?
Or would regret be consoled
Knowing
That inheritance
Is earlier than planned?
But mostly
Wondering where
I went wrong.

It's rare I write these any more - used to write poems often when younger.
Hope you're enjoying the beautiful weather we have right now - sending you a SMILE to help it along!!
Luv from the Bush in Quebec