A NEGATIVE

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I had a Panic attack last night, and it was a dilly! Out of the blue. For no darned reason at all.

Those bothersome events started about 3 years ago. The first happened while I was driving home from a hectic day at the office. It threw me for a loop, I tell you! I pulled over to the side of the road, certain that it was a heart attack, worried that I’d lose control of the car and run somebody down. All the symptoms were there, but the information (which I googled afterwards) advises that the chest pains are not the same at all. If you have never experienced a heart attack, how would you know?

So – they have been happening off and on…mostly off…and lately things have been fine. I’ve even been sleeping more, working less hours, getting exercise; in short, doing all those things one is supposed to do. Granted, we’re in high season, but this year has seen me stay much calmer than usual. I would even venture that I’m in a much better place mentally than I have been for ages.

It’s no wonder then that last night’s episode took me totally by surprise. It was also one of the worst up to date; my heart was hammering so hard that I thought I would bounce out of bed! Although these things are only supposed to last 30 minutes or so, I walked the floor from 1 AM to 6 AM, attempting to regulate my breathing, sipping water and, I admit it, cussing when nothing seemed to work. I was tired, and desired nothing more than to sleep. Finally the ticker settled down, but it had already ruined any chance for a productive day.

Actually, that’s not quite true. The one thing I did accomplish today was to dig out the list of preventive tests my new doctor had requested when I last saw her; the one put aside until I would have time to follow-up. Maybe I shouldn’t mention that the date on the sheets was February 2010? Anyway, I called and faxed and logged appointments. My body doesn’t feel sick, but it’s better to be sure that all is well physically before going for the lobotomy. (Joke!!)

It could be flashbacks, I suppose. Anyhow, we’ll check it out in spite of my aversion to that kind of probing. Doctors always seem to find something wrong, which is why I avoid them in the first place.

Ah well, everything happens for a reason, so maybe it was the sign to smarten up. It’s easier to handle things when you know what you’re supposed to be handling. Besides, I certainly don’t want to go through another night like that if it can be helped!

Kilroy has started posting on his blog again; tomorrow we’ll be celebrating my Japanese daughter-in-law’s birthday (sushi, yum!); and the HABS are on a roll! Life is good, and tonight I’m SMILING. It’s winging its way out to you all as I write – hope it adds a little warmth to your weekend!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec