PROCRASTINATING....

Photo courtesy of Photobucket
Hospitals are not geared for an enjoyable or restful stay. Medical personnel are forever probing at your body, their chatter and manipulation of objects in and about your room is noisy, and beeping of empty IV machines can go on and on before someone has time to take care of it. Add that to the language problem (if you don’t speak French), and the fact that my brother’s voice is only a raunchy whisper from being burnt by radiation treatments. The staff took away his pain medication, and there was some confusion about the amounts and schedule required to keep him comfortable. Already under enormous mental pressure from worry about the as yet unknown results of the lung biopsy, he told the resident doctor that he was checking himself out. He wanted to go home. Fortunately, after reading the file and hearing the facts, the doctor agreed it was the best decision. Armed with a prescription for antibiotics and codeine, we left the hospital at 3 PM yesterday, and within the hour he was able to relax in his own living room.

I know that the danger of depression is very real but I brushed off his attempt to discuss the possibility of his phase now being terminal. We’ll wait on the results, I told him; cross that bridge when we get to it. He is right, of course. It is something we’ll have to talk out, but yesterday was not the time to do it…at least, not for me. I wasn’t ready.

I arrived home to find voice mail messages from his friends, wondering where he was. Damn – everything had happened so fast that I had forgotten to warn anyone. Luckily Fran called to tell me she was on her way to see him at the hospital, so I was able to save her the trip. She carefully mentioned that he had initiated a conversation with her last week; he was preparing for the worst. Her words were a warning that I need to get in touch with the family consultant in the Cancer clinic. She is a sweet lady, with a terrific sense of humor, and she hit it off with my brother right from the start of all this, which is already a plus. I’ll make that call today.

Thankfully, the HABS were playing last night. Once my Blackberry battery was charged, Sam444 and I did our usual running commentary of the game by e-mail. It helped. For a couple of hours I was able to distance myself from everything except what was happening on the ice. Tonight I am to meet Dawna and Malcolm; a social visit as well as a look at the program Malcolm has been creating for the office. My grandson will be coming home later today too, and that is always nice.

Yes, it is procrastination. Although not an admirable habit, it is sometimes a necessity. I’ll get my head into the right place before sitting down and talking with my brother. It’s a wretched occasion at the best of times, but to go into it unstable will only make it worse for all concerned. It will be done before the week’s end.

The sun is shining, there is a full day ahead, and I was reading this morning that due to advances in ultrasound technology, babies can be seen smiling in utero. Isn’t that something? It means SMILING is something we are born to do!! I’m sending mine out to y’all now – hoping it helps your day!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec.