NOTICING REASONS

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My brother has to be practically crawling before he’ll contact me for help during the night. When the phone rang at 2 AM, seeing his name on the caller ID brought me out of my groggy state quick enough. He was gasping for air when I answered; I could barely understand his words when he wheezed that he was coughing up blood – lots of it. It took us an hour to reach the hospital; this included my throwing on clothes, driving to his place, his difficult walk down the stairs and into the car, and without a doubt breaking the speed limit on the way. He’s now in an isolated room, hooked up to an IV that is pumping antibiotics into his system. It appears that he will be kept for 2 to 3 days.

I rarely have headaches, but on leaving the hospital this morning I experienced a dilly! I finally gave in and popped a couple of Motrin, which, in normal times, would practically knock me out. There was work for the office that needed to be taken care of before I could get back to bed. Fortunately, without knowing why, I hadn’t done much but doze off and on during the weekend. It was odd, not in my usual habits, but it prepared me for this latest event. I was able to function rationally and safely, and complete what was most important. I couldn’t help but reflect once more that everything happens for a reason.

It is not the first run-in I’ve had with this terrible disease. Today is my mom’s birthday, and I continue to toast her (usually with my brother) even though she passed over from pancreatic cancer in 2005. Tomorrow will be my sister’s birthday. She succumbed to colon cancer in 1995; she had just turned 47. Each of them, when diagnosed as terminal, was brought home and ended her earthly days in her own bed, held in my arms. I am no stranger to the long, sometimes tearful, conversations which occur, or to the preparation and distribution of the soothing but deadly doses of morphine. My leg was in a cast during my sister’s illness; I was unable to work, so was available to stay with her. When my mom got sick, I had hours of overtime accumulated, and the technology for working from a distance was installed. Once again, I was able to be there. Nothing had been planned; and I certainly had bitched about the broken leg AND the overtime I had been forced to do, but…I had forgotten…..everything happens for a reason.

I’m not writing this in a bid for sympathy. Human experience proves that those difficult and painful moments are a part of life, and each of us has felt the resulting heartbreak in some form, many far worse than mine. However, if we pay attention, we may notice that we have been prepared to deal with it in the easiest way possible. There is no coincidence, just reasons, although we tend to realize it, if we do at all, after the events.

I expect I am repeating what I have declared on more than one occasion; obviously my conviction is sincere. Even if it doesn’t seem like it in our desperate moments, we are not alone. There is a force, a special strength; those of religious and spiritual persuasions call it God (by whatever name we use); agnostics may attribute it to science. One thing is certain – it is PRESENT – preparing before, fortifying during, and supporting after. Personally, I have more than once, through meditation and prayer, felt the deep warmth and the reassuring touch.

With this said – my brother is in good hands right now; the trees look lovely in the falling snow; the HABS had a big win last night, and the Detroit game will be televised in my area this evening. I’ll pour my glass of wine, lift it high to remember the best of my mom and my sister, and those memories will make me SMILE.

Luv from the Bush in Quebec.