UGH! AND DOUBLE UGH!!

Ugh! I had one of those terrible, terrible days yesterday. Not that anything traumatic happened – in fact it was quite calm as activities go. It all boiled down to a MOOD I just couldn’t get rid of, no matter what I did, or tried to think, in an attempt to change it.

The morning started out fine. I was on-line for awhile, reading Kilroy’s Blog, checking out my kids’ doings on Facebook; I even managed to transfer pictures from my Blackberry cellular to my computer (something I’ve been wanting to do for ages) and writing a short piece for Blogit, my writer’s site. There was some work to do for the business. I had just finished up, and was preparing to go visit my brother when the headache started…and what a dilly it was! It’s a rare occurrence, and my ability to deal with pain is renowned. It’s non-existent. I was immediately grumpy. I popped a couple of aspirin and went to lie down in bed. The pain must have eased up, because I fell to sleep and woke an hour later to another rare occurrence…. I could remember my dreams. None of them were good….and there was the tone for the rest of the day.

Impatient, grouchy, and just downright bad-tempered, I couldn’t even put up with myself, let alone anybody or anything else. I tried getting busy around the house, but everything I picked up I wanted to throw against the wall. Listening to music usually helps, but it just got on my nerves even more. The opposite, complete silence, was no help either. The doggies sensed the turmoil, and stayed well out of my way.

Meditation was out of the question. One can’t get into the spirit of it while grinding one’s teeth. I couldn’t conjure up the chant of ‘HU’.

Driving is another thing that usually has a calming effect. Not yesterday. Forget road rage…it was just RAGE, period. I managed to do a necessary stop at the grocery store, getting quickly in and out without being rude to any innocent person, then forced myself to visit the Bird (my brother) for a few minutes. A very few minutes. I just wanted to be home. Once there, my mood didn’t lighten up any, but at least I only had myself to endure. The doggies, always attuned to my emotions, stayed outside, not once coming to the door looking to come into the dungeon of hell.

Exercise, reading, writing, watching comedy TV, gazing at my mountain…nothing worked. Patience was totally absent, there was fault to find in everything, and my thoughts were black. I tried to cook. Fiasco.

It was an effort just to put one foot in front of the other – both body and mind were alarmingly exhausted. Then followed frustration by realizing there was absolutely no reason for it, and worse, that it wasn’t going away. Finally I gave up. I decided to just scratch the day. It was already wasted, and there was always tomorrow.

Having made this decision seemed to relieve the pressure somewhat. A short stint in the jacuzzi helped, then I crawled under blankets to lick my emotional wounds. The last thing I heard before rolling into the arms of Murphy was Bud’s erratic snoring. My stalwart friend had braved the storm and claimed his usual place by the foot of my bed. I think I smiled.

We all have bad days now and then. Mine are very few, and to tell you the truth, I can’t really remember ever having had one as difficult as yesterday. At least, not just out of the blue like that, with no physical cause. Especially not one where I was unable to bring myself around. It’s confusing, but happily not carried over. This morning the sun is there all its glory, the doggies are waiting for me to join them outside, and all is well again in my world. I’ve found my SMILE.

Sharing it with you as I wish you a happy day!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec