HEALING

Bird's moon, from his camera

I can’t listen to his music yet….but I will…eventually. It was our home base, his music. He burned CD after CD of my favorite tunes – older ones I had forgotten – until I heard them again. I would know all the words – I could sing along, or, as he called it, make a joyful noise, while listening. A lot of them were to keep me from dozing off while driving home at the end of a long day at work.

Some nights are hard to get through. Sleep comes for an hour or two, and then I wake. I shut down any thoughts by getting up and doing something…anything…until I’m tired enough to fall into an immediate slumber again. Fortunately that is the period where my internet stream is the fastest, so I am able to work by remote on my city computer server; the hours are not lost, but crowded with numbers instead of feelings.

It’s going to take time, and tears that I am not yet ready to cry. Most of you have dealt with this; you know what I’m saying – how I feel. And we all know that life does go on.

This weekend I have to empty his belongings from the garage. I need the space for office furniture. When I returned to work, Line warned me that she was leaving within a few days. It has all been too much for her. I considered hiring someone else, then decided that no – I’ve had enough of losing 4 hours a day commuting to the city. I’m bringing my office home. Most communication with clients is done by telephone, fax or internet anyway. For those I need to meet on occasion, I’ll just drive into the city and do so. Everything has to be moved by the end of the month, and it involves a lot of work. It’s a blessing in disguise. I’m too damned busy to get mired in self pity.

I missed writing. I have not been in the right mind set to put words on paper. I have been reading though, slipping in and out of Blogit, following Kilroy’s blog, checking Facebook and my e-mails now and then. Comments and responses were put off for a bit, and I apologize. I did receive and deeply appreciated all your messages, and believe that I have answered most of them by now.

Grump and I have resumed our nightly excursions on the country roads, usually accompanied by the beautiful Louka. This week the weather was so nice, and we were treated to the spectacular glow that is particular to a full autumn moon. I stood on the top of hill, listening to the silence of the bush. It was disturbed only by the sound of obscured doggies sniffing around in piles of dry leaves.

As I stood gazing at this awesome scene, Nature’s fingers reached in and touched my soul. A rush of love filled me, and I knew my brother was near. I acknowledged his presence with a warm embrace, then blew him a kiss. I felt the gentle stroke of healing begin, and I SMILED.

Luv from the Bush in Quebec