EARLY SATURDAY MORNING

I can’t remember my dreams, but something woke me rather abruptly at 4:46 this morning. When I glanced at the clock, I immediately thought of Suzie, who was probably already on her long drive back to Troy. I was up to see her last night to say goodbye. On Tuesday morning, I’ll be doing the same with my grandson. He’ll be leaving for Medicine Hat, Alberta; a group of them are driving a truck the 3200 km, or 1988 miles, and expect to arrive there for Saturday.

It is going to feel strange to be alone in the house again. I’m used to it, of course, having been that way for some time before Fred moved in downstairs. Not long after his arrival, Bird came to live with me too. Between the three of us, there was much coming and going of friends, family, nurses. It’s been a full year of activity. Now it will be back to just me and Grump for a while...and one can’t forget Smooch. No doubt he’ll provide distraction. Puppies, like babies, require many hours of care. They tend to bring you back to reality with a thump, avoiding the danger of slipping into your own little world for too long.

The weekend will be spent working; this is a busy time of year for anyone who does accounting. Making sure Fred’s clothes are all washed and ready to go, baking some cookies for his trip, and – oh, joy! – learning how to use all those buttons on his huge TV! While he is away, I’ll be treating myself to a night of Shrek movies in 3D on a large screen.

I also need to find my passport. The trip to Riviera Maya is on; we’re leaving on April 8th. If Fred is not here to doggie-sit, one of his friends will come to stay while I’m gone. He’s a good fellow, and the dogs are used to him. In the meantime, I need to brush up on my Spanish.

The sun is shining here this morning – my mountain is awesome with its layers of fresh, sparkling snow. Little Smooch is losing his battle with a mat under the watchful eye of a disapproving Grump, and Jesse Cooke’s sweet guitar is crooning from the sound system. There is a lot for which to be thankful...so a body can’t help but SMILE.

Sharing it with you as always!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec.

CHASING NUMBERS

Grump, counting silently to 10...LOL

The Dunany Demons are at their worst this morning; ice rain is falling over the whole area here. Guess who is SO happy that she doesn’t have to brave the elements, and other drivers, to commute to the city for work??

Bad weather or not, I will take a short drive up to see Suzie later. A resident of Troy, MI, my friend is heading back to the U.S. of A. tomorrow after spending six weeks among family and friends. I’ll miss her, as I always do when she leaves. We will talk on the telephone every few days for the next 6 months, but it’s not quite the same as face to face, is it?

My Grump is finally allowing the puppy to play with him occasionally...stress on the word ‘occasionally’! Grump gets along well with other dogs, but was reluctant when he realized that Smooch was not just another pain-in-the-butt visitor; this one was here to stay. Grump’s nose is decidedly out of joint. Fred and I both take pains to show him that he is still first doggie, but we also make it plain that Smooch is now a member of the pack. Acceptance without strife is mandatory because the leader of the pack (me!) wants it so!

I wasn’t worried about him not eventually taking it in his stride. I have loved many pets over the years, but Grump’s character is one of the best that I have ever had the privilege to enjoy. Unlike Bud, who I loved deeply, but who was a bull in a china shop, I can take Grump anywhere, and his behaviour is exemplary. That doggie seems to use more intelligence and reasoning than a good number of humans who have crossed my path.

This is a short post – written mostly to chase numbers from my head. I’m still lamenting the fact that I ended up doing accounting for a living. Ah well – everything happens for a reason. Or could it have just been lazy choices? We won’t go into that today....

In spite of my dislike of numbers (unless they’re in my bank account), I still have more than ample causes to SMILE - and if none were close by, I’d go looking for one! Or make one up!

However I find that SMILE, you know I’m willing to share it with y’all, so out it goes...up and away. It should be knocking on your door any moment now.....

Luv from the Bush in Quebec.

AND THE WINNER IS....

My grandson is a linesman; he works on those huge towers that are strung out across our country to supply electricity. He’s leaving for Alberta, so will be away for more than a month at a time, coming home for a couple of days now and then until the job in that area is done. It’s great experience for him, but this M’mère is going to miss him like crazy, and not only because of all the muscle tasks he does around here. After more than a year of lads coming in and out of the house, it will seem very quiet.

My daughter (his mom) organised a supper for him yesterday evening, wanting us all together before Fred’s departure. We were supposed to meet at the restaurant for 6:30 or 7:00 PM. I mumbled something about the Habs playing against Detroit so, typical of my family, the time was changed to 5:30 – I would be home in time for the first period! And I was!! And what a game! I won’t elaborate, because they were playing Sam444’s favourite, and she was kind enough to be happy for my win.

I’m very vocal when the Habs score a goal. There’s a rather loud ‘Whoop-whoop!!’ which comes out part yell, part scream, and this is usually accompanied by a little jig. Grump is used to it, of course, and often joins me for the dance. I had forgotten about my poor, little, un-initiated Smooch.

The puppy was playing around at my feet when the first goal happened. I went into action...and Smooch went into panicked flight!! His ears back and his tail between his legs, he scooted into his box and hid there, waiting for whatever terrible action that was sure to follow such a horrifying screech! The expression on his face broke me up ....I giggled until my stomach hurt! After comforting him for a few minutes and coaxing him back out, I continued to watch the game. Another goal! Another celebration! After 5 minutes or so, I realized that Smooch had disappeared once again. Yep, he was back in his box; sitting there quietly, head cocked to one side, listening intently, and probably wondering if it was safe to come out yet. It was hilarious!

Taking care of a puppy, as with any baby, is a lot of extra work, not something I need right now. Yet...when I balance that against the number of SMILES he brings to my face in a day, guess which way the scales tip? I don’t even have to confirm it, do I?

Sending you some of those SMILES, folks. Hope they make your day a little brighter!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec.

I HAVEN'T BEEN BLOGGING BECAUSE....

Fred with Smooch So sweet!!

I was sitting at my computer when my grandson, Fred, showed up at my office door. I turned to look at him. The grin on his face lit up the room.

“Merry Christmas, M’mère!” he said. He pushed back one side of his winter coat, and the sweetest little face poked out.

Love at first sight!

Introducing you to SMOOCH, my four week old pit puppy, a gift from my grandson who knows his granny more than I thought!

Smooch was only 4 weeks old, far too young to be wrenched away from his mother and siblings, but the owner lives in an area where pits are illegal (I won’t get into THAT argument!). He needed to get rid of the puppies immediately. Fred had already reserved one, expecting to pick it up at the end of the month, but responded to the frantic call last Friday. That means we not only have to watch out more carefully for his health, but we also need to socialize this pup.

Needless to say, we have not slept much since the arrival of little Smooch. The first two days he was bottle fed every four hours with special milk from the pet store. Now he can drink from a small bowl, still the special milk, and can even take tiny amounts of dried puppy food, crushed and diluted in warm water. My good-natured Grump accepted him with a sniff....until the puppy tried to nurse there! Oops! It sorta soured the relationship for the moment.

He so reminds me of Bud; his color (which will darken with age) and his attitude. Grump’s warning growl makes him back away, but not too far. He sits there, showing respect, but doesn’t run away and hide; a sign that he is his own dog.

Why the name Smooch? He wrinkles up his face, much like my son, Jo, will do when teasing. Jo grabs me, wrinkles up his face, purses his lips and says “Gimme a smooch, mama!”

Smooch, plus a heavy work load, plus Suzie being here yet for a few more days, plus my babysitting the rugrats between 4 and 8 the last two nights...and I guess I could add that I’ve been watching my Habs win a couple of games....well...that’s why I haven’t been posting. But I do come in and click and read (beginning to sound old, isn’t it?) and sometimes comment.

But – the biggest reason is my internet problem...which is now fixed as of this morning. I am now able to see pictures without waiting 5 minutes for them to load, can watch videos, and listen to music posted on this site or in my e-mails, so... BC-A – I’m back into reading you!!

I am dipping into my snoozing time here by taking the moments to write this, but it’s okay. I’m rejoicing in the celebration of life right now: puppies, rugrats, love...and a winning HABS team. I’m remembering that life is good, and I am SMILING!!!

Sharing it with y’all!!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec.

LIFE IS NOT THEN...

Things have been happening around here – mysteries?

One of the exterior lights above my gallery has not worked for at least 6 months. The light is enclosed in a carriage lamp type of container, and it has to be taken apart piece by piece to get at the bulb inside; very pretty, but a nuisance to change when the bulb blows. I had mentioned it more than once to Bird, especially when we were on the balcony swing where the offending lamp was quite evident. “If I could, I would fix it for you,” he had answered, also more than once. He no longer had the physical energy, and I finally realized that it bothered him immensely, so I quit talking about it. I just never seemed to find the time, or the courage, to climb up on the ladder and do it myself. Although annoying, it wasn’t high on my list of priorities.

I noticed about 5 days ago that the lamp is now shining as brightly as any of the others out there. Surprised, I spoke to Fred, then my sons, then texted my nephew in NB. Who had done the good deed? Each of them replied, “Not me.” Mystery number one?

On Wednesday, a friend mentioned to me that the e-mail I had sent him had come in over Twitter. He wasn’t part of that social network, but was wondering if I had received his reply anyway. Twitter? I wasn’t part of that network either! I checked my inbox. No, his reply was not there. He sent me a print of what was on his screen... my ‘twitter’ message. Yes, it WAS my message my friend had received, with this very odd address attached. I immediately went searching – in Twitter (even joined the thing just to be allowed to look!), in Hotmail, in Yahoo, in Facebook, and others. Everywhere it came back indicating ‘Sorry – address and username not found”. The address was: (my name) @ lifeisnotthen. Mystery number two?

Everything comes in threes, it is said. I had an appointment with a client yesterday morning; I was to be at his office for 7 AM. I woke just before 5 AM, and made my way to the kitchen for coffee. I had the cup in hand, was about to take the first sip, when the music started. I recognized it at once – the chimes of Bird’s cell phone. I walked over to the little bureau and pulled open the drawer where the cell phone has been stored for the past weeks. The phone was flashing – ‘Alarm 6:00 AM’ it said. When I picked it up, it abruptly stopped. I pressed the ‘on’ button. Nothing. The battery was dead. Of course! It hasn’t been charged for ages, and obviously not since the daylight saving time change...the real time was 5 AM, not 6 AM. This then was mystery number three?

I know how I’m feeling, how I believe. As far as I’m concerned, there is no mystery here, but I would like to hear your views.

Is he telling me that what he lived here, for him, is now “then”, but.... Life is not then.

Think about it! Could it mean that where he is now is what life is really about? He promised me he would give me a sign if at all possible. I have seen more than one sign... but then, anyone who knew Bird would tell you that he always was an extremist. AND he was also convinced that it took his sister awhile to catch on. SO yes – it would be like him to show me again...and again...and again.

He can show me as many signs, for as long as he wants. That’s okay. With each event I feel him close, and that makes me SMILE.

Luv from the Bush in Quebec

THE DAY AFTER...

Bird & I with our younger brother, Pody, from NB. Pody's birthday is Jan. 7th, and this one we celebrated together. Like a 'Christmas in July' thing, LOL!

I’m still a bit woozy. Once upon a time I could do a tequila fest and bounce right back the next day. Ha! The old gray mare ain’t what she used to be, and that’s a sorry fact.

However, there are no regrets. Suzie and I spent the night listening to Bird’s music, singing along, dancing some; putting our heads down more than once and having a cry; remembering different nights when the three of us had celebrated together and dissolving into laughter; wishing we could have had more time with him, but realizing that what time we did have was good, and being thankful for that. Neither of us is new to loss. We are both wise enough to know that nothing...or no one.... lasts forever.

The last time I looked at the clock it was 6:30 AM... the 26 ounce tequila bottle had a very thin layer of liquid on the bottom, and the bag of empty beer cans looked too full. I can’t recall the walk from the table to the couch. I’m not quite sure at what hour that happened. Suzie woke me when my son called much later. I was astonished when he told me it was 2:30 PM. Our conversation is hazy – I’m sure he’ll tell me today exactly what was said.

We managed to put away an afternoon breakfast, then I thanked her and hugged her goodbye. I drove home to be greeted by an ecstatic Grump, and a laughing grandson. Apparently we had phoned him at 3 AM to inquire if Grump was okay. Hmmm....

I did manage to get some housework done...nothing too taxing...and baked some muffins for my grandson. I drank gallons of water, nibbled on salty foods. By the time I settled in to watch the Habs game (they won!!), I was beginning to feel slightly human again.

A drunk isn’t always the answer. Sometimes though, we need to let our guard down – to crack the invisible shield covering our heart. I was overdue, and well aware of that. It wasn’t something to undertake recklessly – I knew it would be safe with just Suzie and I, staying at her place. When I woke, in spite of a huge hangover, I felt as if some weight had been lifted from my gut. The pain is still there, but the edges are dulled. Being able to wail my outrage at Bird’s leaving let some of the poison out.

Toronto Maple Leafs was Bird’s preferred hockey team. They beat the Detroit Red Wings last night (Nautikos must be happy!). Sam444 and I were doing our regular texting of play-by-play during the game, and she, although an avid Wings fan, gracefully conceded that the Leafs win was okay – it was for Bird – then added...’only this year'. I can picture his face on hearing that...and his acceptance of Pat_B’s pronouncing January the 6th as being the official ‘Bird’s Day’. He would love it all, and he’ll be SMILING!

I’m SMILING too, and away it goes, up and out into cyber-space, winging its way to y’all!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec.

BIRD'S BIRTHDAY

This was written on Saturday and, although I was able to post it to Blogit, for some reason it wouldn't post here in Google. Suzie and I did celebrate, and I'm still suffering the after-effects of killing a bottle of tequila - oof! It was a good night.

Bird with his daughter, Josette

January 6th. Today is Bird's birthday - he would have turned the big 6-0!! We were planning quite a party.

This picture was taken a couple of years ago, just after he went through his first chemo & radiation treatments. Because his energy level was so low, we rented a Winnebago and headed down to see family in New Brunswick. We had a great time. Josette spent nearly the whole week with us, and the Bird was delighted. We all were - she's a beautiful person.

Suzie's birthday is January 3rd. She, Bird & I often celebrated the two birthdays together.

I'm going to join Suzie tonight. We have a little cake and...a bottle of tequila. We don't go anywhere - just stay at her home. I'll be sleeping over, of course, but Fred is here for Grump, so that's okay too.(Grump may not agree ).

Bird would love it - knowing that we are keeping on - that we'll be toasting him with love. That we'll remember the ways and many times the three of us have celebrated together. That we'll speak of his sense of humor - that dry wit - and that, even if there's tears, his big sis will be SMILING through them.

Happy Birthday, Bird.

THE REALITY IS...

The Smiley Rug-rats

I was what Bird would have called ‘a lost cause’ all day, and most of the night, of the New Year’s Eve. I wept a little, read a little, slept a little, and just ‘timed out’. I never did go for the brandy; I stayed in pyjamas and moved aimlessly from room to room, followed very closely by a confused Grump. I missed the first period of the HABS game, then couldn’t find my Blackberry to do the rest of our regular play by play with Sam444. It was just as well, I guess; I couldn’t seem to focus on the TV anyway. (And surprise, surprise...they lost again!!!)

I had called Suzie; warned her that I was in no shape to party. She understood, of course, and offered to come and stay with me, but I refused. It was alone time that was needed.

I ran out of wood right before midnight and went down to the garage for more. While there, I heard the chimes made by my Blackberry when a text message comes in. Talk about good timing! There is was, lying under my truck; I must have dropped it on Friday evening. If the message had not come in just then, I’d probably have crushed it under the wheels.

Sometimes it doesn’t take much to shake one up. “Wow – lucky!” I was thinking as I bent to pick up the phone. I stood there, wood in one arm, reading the ‘We’ll make it a better New Year – love you!!’ text from my daughter. At the very moment, another came in from my youngest son with a similar message...then another from my older son; he and Yoshiko would be arriving within the hour to share the New Year with me, and to sleep over. There was also a former message from Sam, looking for me when the game had started....and the phone was still chiming, and chiming again....

Love and caring, I mused. I am surrounded by it. I have ALWAYS been surrounded by it, even if it has been by different ways at different times...and from different beings.

In spite of carrying wood, my step was lighter as I went back upstairs. I changed into fresh pyjamas and turned on the coffee. My son showed up a short while later, and we sat, chatting, until 5:30 AM. We talked about Bird, how he had touched our lives. We laughed about Bud’s character, how we missed him too. We reminisced about my mom, my sister, and many others who are not longer here, but close to our hearts just the same. Then we talked about the grandchildren, and Grump, and friends we have made - all new bonds of caring, all precious parts of us now.

We finally went to bed. I knew that in a few hours I would be cuddling my rug-rats, when the family gathered for our opening supper of the New Year. Picturing their impish faces, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. For what I have had, for what is still here, and for whichever way it will come in my future.

I blew Bird a kiss, sent out a hug for Bud, and when I fell to sleep, I’m pretty sure I was still SMILING.

I’m sharing it with you...hope you catch it as it floats by!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec