JUST A NOTE

Grump and I are coping. I don’t need the Dog Whisperer to tell me that Grump is feeling Bud’s absence as keenly as I do; I’ve seen it happen before. Yesterday was the first day in his life that he was completely alone in the house, and I was expecting some evidence of displeasure on my return home, but all I found was a doggie VERY happy to see me. My grandson arrived late last night and will be around off and on for the next few days while I am at the office, so that should help.

I have not yet received news from the evaluator, or the bank, and we are on tenterhooks at the office, wondering if it the amount allowed will be high enough to carry us over into the tax rush...or until we can manage to get back on our feet. My co-workers are fantastic. They continue working in spite of not being able to take a pay for the last two weeks. It has been more than a month since I touched a cheque too; we’ve been taking care of strict necessities only, being helped along by our savings, loans from our children or, in one case, the spouse. If things don’t get back on track, it certainly won’t be for lack of effort and sacrifice.

Although ours is more serious because of the events with the ex-associate, I know we are not the only company feeling a crunch. Those of our clients who are having difficulty paying us are not lying – we are in the perfect position to know it. Even the bill collectors are willing to negotiate...for a while....which tells us we are not the only ones with financial woes.

Speaking of which, it’s time to head into the city. We are finally getting some snow, so the drive is bound to be longer.

I want to say a huge THANK YOU for sharing my feelings about Bud. It is still too soon to talk about it much, but your comments and support warmed my heart.
Sending you out wishes for a great day, with lots of love and caring and, of course, SMILES.

Luv from the Bush in Quebec.

MY BUD

This January 24th, at 4:30 PM, I lost a loyal friend. He seemed to sense what was happening. The vet was astonished, told me that he was fighting the medication, which he did to the end. I held his huge head in my arms, that strong snout which sent everything flying when he would ram it under my arm. One last wag of his tail....it seemed to last so long.....

I wanted to read tonight, but I can hardly see. It is difficult enough even writing this.

I won’t say R.I.P. Bud, because peace was the last thing he wanted. He was an eternal shit disturber, and I loved him all the more for it. I’m sure, when Ben and Beef see him arrive, crossing over Rainbow Bridge to join them, they are both saying “Oh no!! Not you again!!”

My heart is breaking into a thousand little pieces, but imagining his response makes me SMILE.

Luv from the Bush in Quebec.

MORE OF THE SAME

Slightly nippy out there! It was -28, without taking into account the wind chill, when my son and Yoshiko landed on Canadian soil last night; quite a shock after enjoying the warm weather of Mexico for a week. I picked them up, winter coats on arm, and we drove to Longueuil where I exchanged my passengers for the cat-sitter, my brother. It was half past midnight by the time I walked in my own door, and not much later when I rolled into the arms of Morpheus. I set the alarm for 6 AM, because I still have housework to finish up before the evaluators visit this afternoon. Maybe it’s the cool air, but the snooze button was slapped down a few times before I felt able to pull myself out of bed this morning. I love it when I sleep like that!

My youngest son and a nephew came over yesterday to do little things that require strength and special know-how. While I worked on the overflowing closets, they hung a fan in the living room, put up my guardrail for the stairs, and moved things around in the garage so there is some semblance of order in there now. There is still much to do, however, and lazybones here picked this morning to get up late, so my post is going to be short. It’s also garbage day, and Bud, being unable to go up and down stairs, has left me some little gifts on the gallery. Probably frozen solidly into the snow this morning. The weather being so cold, I’ll need to hack away with the shovel to pick them up. I don’t expect the evaluator would give me much of a rating if he/she ends up with doggie doodoo all over his/her boots! I can’t imagine it will help even if I assure them that stepping in sh*t it a sign you’ll be rich. (I wonder who ever came up with THAT saying?!) Actually, it will be interesting to see what my house is worth now on the market, whether it works out in my favour or not. Something learned, something gained.

I’m off to do the tasks. Keep your fingers crossed for me that all goes well, please! I slept like a baby, the sun is shining, the view spectacular, so I’m SMILING, no matter what! I hope you’re wearing your SMILE too!

Luv from the bush in Quebec,

TO BLOG, OR NOT TO BLOG

Photo courtesy of Photobucket

“There has been no blogging for awhile.” Her tone was slightly accusing over the phone, a question disguised as a statement. There was no point in using my standard excuse of ‘lack of time’ with her; she knows one can make time, so I told her the real truth.

“I tend to write what I feel,” I answered. “The way it has been going lately, nothing I write would be very cheerful. Who wants to read constant whining? So I’ve been staying away from blogging.”

“Wrong!” she shot back. “When I read about your problems, it keeps me from thinking about my own for awhile. I sit and devise ways of helping you; thinking of what I can do...it’s a break.” She laughed, and so did I, then I promised to get back on this horrible laptop and insure that she gets her daily dose of ‘The Bush in Quebec”. I love that girl!

I know what she means. Not finding new posts on Kilroy’s blog for seven consecutive days had me really worried. There was no answer to my e-mails either, and when I finally gave in and called his home but got only voicemail, my imagination really went to town! I was planning on contacting his grandson (who doesn’t know me from a hole in the ground) in B.C. through Facebook (one of the benefits of that social site), when a message came in from another of his friends. Kilroy had fallen when playing tennis, had fractured his hip, and was in the hospital. Suspecting that I would be having blog withdrawal symptoms by now, he had asked this person to get in touch and give me the news. The next day I spoke to my dear crony over the phone, and I was pleased to hear that he was being transferred to rehab, was doing well, and can’t wait to get back to his game....and his blogging.

As for my own update...well, today is into extreme house cleaning. I have had to resort to re-mortgaging my house, after using up all my retirement savings, not only to keep things going, but mostly to catch up on various expenses, all this after the fiasco with my ex-partner. The evaluator is coming tomorrow. Because I had to reduce the office staff, therefore work longer hours, and with so much time spent in recent trips to the hospital for my brother, housework, which is not one of my talents to begin with, has been neglected. I can’t just throw things into closets and shut the doors fast; it’s one of the first places the evaluator will check out. Tonight it’s off to the airport; my son and Yoshiko are arriving back from Mexico, and I will drive them home, then bring back my brother who has been cat-sitting off and on during their week absence.

Tomorrow I will also call the vet and make the dreaded appointment. Bud’s condition has deteriorated; he is suffering now.

There is more, of course, but I’ll work it into future posts. Although the vacuum, the mop and the dust rag are staring malevolently at me, the hour is young and AC/DC is installed on the sound system...so I’ll get to it. Sunshine is predicted, and it will soon kiss my mountain good morning, and that sight always makes me SMILE. Sending it out to you, folks, with my wishes that you have a great, new day!!
Luv from the Bush in Quebec.

NOW!

How many of you have read the book The Power of Now? It is written by Eckhart Tolle, and Oprah was promoting it on her TV program a while back. A friend, who is a fan of that formidable talk show lady, gave me a hard cover edition as a gift. I need to read it again. I can’t remember all of his messages, but one thing did stick in this aging brain of mine, although I often forget to put his advice to use. I won’t attempt to quote him, but the essence was that we should always be aware of what is happening to us right NOW, at this very moment, and consider it something special. Even if it is a bad moment, one should learn to mentally step back and treat it an opportunity to learn, to grow. By putting the emphasis on NOW, we unload the burden of worrying about what MAY or MAY NOT happen within the next hour, the next day, etc. He does tell us to prepare the best we can for whatever event we anticipate, but then to let it go; don’t compromise your joy today for the problems of tomorrow.

I recall when I first practiced the method. I was driving to work for another hectic day at the office (when is it not?), and I remembered his words. I started to look around at the fields, the sky, the houses, even the other cars around me. For the sake of safety, I always do, but this time was different. I was paying attention, really noticing what was there; the shape of the clouds, the models of the vehicles, the way a certain driver hunched over the steering wheel. I purposely listened to the words and the finger-snapping beat of the music from my radio, instead of hearing it as background noise. I tasted the hour-old piece of gum I was chewing (not bad!), and actually felt the softness of the shirt I was wearing, the snug comfort of my leather seat and the soothing, rolling motion of my truck. I took the time to wonder again at the miracle of automobiles, and the ability to get from one place to another so quickly, so easily. This Tolle dude had something going there! If we can make each moment awesome, imagine what our whole day would be like! Better yet, imagine the effect on the rest of our lives!

As I mentioned in my first paragraph, I forget to use it. As do most of us, I tend to react with emotion when things are happening to me, around me. Still, I know that practice makes perfect, so I’m going to try using his method again. Why not? It may be a long shot, but I know that, after my illuminating drive that day, I walked into the office SMILING and, by the time I crawled into bed, I felt that I had actually LIVED those hours instead of the usual drifting through them doing the best that I could.

I’m starting immediately. In fact, I can feel how my wrinkles tighten as I send you all a big SMILE! Nice!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec

WANT MY D. DEMONS BACK!!!

Photo courtesy of Photobucket

Sky Watch

The nuance of the sunlight at the closing of the day
Calls inspiration, inviting me to play
With visions of bright Angels watching over us again
The pastel colors of rose touching clouds of grey
I feel uplifted and renewed once more
With these celestial glimpses – riches we may explore
Are we not wealthy ? With these words I implore
You to join my meditation as we enjoy
The sacred evening ovation!
Amen!

The gossamer clouds dance
Along the mountainsides
In ghostly gowns that trail
Wonderful wishes of music
Amuse me and I smile. Awe!

The readers on my family blog do not know the writer of the lovely poem above, but I’m sure Blogit members will recognize the style. Once upon a time we could read a new poem daily on that site. I lucked out by keeping in touch with the poet, who is no longer a member, and often I open my e-mail to find nuggets such as this one tucked within the newsy notes from this person. Okay, I admit it, sometimes I just write with a reminder that I haven’t read one for awhile, and within a couple of days of my hinting, a new one pops up, LOL! This uplifting gem arrived after I had posted my lament explaining my silence the other day. It will be interesting to see how many members can ‘Name this writer’ who, by the way, asked me to express warmest wishes for the New Year to friends in Blogit.

Watching the weather news, reading blogs of others, and being a snow-lover, I’m wondering if maybe I shouldn’t move down to the southern states! It seems that the Dunany Demons have decided to play their tricks away from home. In our great, white north we are getting fleeting spurts of the cold stuff, while there is centimetre after centimetre falling on our surprised, and not so prepared, southern neighbours. I’m sure Kilroy and Nautikos are among those who rejoice in the Demons’ absence in our area, but my toboggan needs a good run, and my mountain looks bare without its winter dress, so will somebody down there please send my Demons back where they belong?

It’s time to prepare for my trip into the city office, so I’ll send you all wishes for a fantastic day, accompanied by a huge SMILE. ...just because....

Luv from the Bush in Quebec.

SMILE! IT CHASES AWAY MR. GRUMBLE!

This is Fred with his sister,Erika, and his little brother Raphael.
I forgot to mention in my last post that my grandson moved in downstairs. Being a wise lad, he was already installed before Christmas Day; he didn’t need to worry about driving home after drinking his season’s cheer.

It is wonderful...I think! Like I said, I was pretty zombie during the period. I knew he was there, but we didn’t interact much. The doggies spend their time going up and downstairs, basking in the attention from Fred’s numerous friends. Very quiet friends. They are careful not to park in front of the garage door, and the only disturbance is the doggies’ barking when they arrive (quite normal), and a faint sound of music. I’m still amazed that these young lads are way less noisy than Fred’s grandmother was at their age. In fact, she still is, LOL! He left to work in Abitibi the day after New Years, but will be arriving tonight. M’mère has washed his bed, cleaned his bathroom, and will leave a pâté chinois (Shepherd’s pie) in his fridge...and maybe a tarte au sucre à la crème (cream sugar pie). My Fred has a sweet tooth. This time we’ll hopefully get a chance to chat a bit.

I’m working from home today, but have spent most of the morning on the phone (some with collection agencies, UGH!) or swearing at this XXXXXX laptop. Not only does it take up all the space on my desk, but it is slow, and works with Vista – the worst program I’ve ever seen from Windows. It has compatibility problems with my accounting program, and flushes me out right in the middle of whatever I’m doing...GRRRR! I can’t afford another computer at the moment, so we make do.....reluctantly.

I need to get in touch with my friend Karen, from Saskatoon. She was to come and spend a few days with me after New Years, but I heard nothing from her. It is probably just as well. My company would have left much to be desired on the mental front, and then there was that drastic flu bug compounding the misery. Maybe a little birdie from Quebec flew out to warn her. Looks like we’re stuck with 4 hour long distant chats.

Okay, it’s back to business. It’s so nice sitting at the computer with doggies curled up at my feet. Now if I could work from home on a permanent basis....aspirations for the future.

I have reading to catch up on – especially in Blogit – although I did slip in and read now and again during my silence. There are many e-mails and messages on Facebook to answer too; it’s gratifying to realize how much friends care. It felt like warm hands stretched out to help me get back up on my feet. Before the end of this week, I’ll do my best to answer and thank those I haven’t yet contacted, and reassure them that the SMILE never disappears for long; I think a fairy tattooed it on my face the day I was born, or, more probably, it’s my grandmother’s motto, so deeply ingrained in both my brother and me: SMILE! It chases away Mr. Grumble!
Sending mine out to y’all!!!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec

IT'S BOOGIE TIME!!!

Sometimes one just needs to take time out, step away from the world, and recharge the batteries. I know – a warning would have been nice, but it wasn’t planned. It just happened. You would think that I’d have learned by now to pace myself; it would be the intelligent thing to do. I recognized the signs, but kept putting it off until my body and brain finally decided enough was enough, and both went into neutral. I had a huge ‘Out of Order’ sign flashing on my forehead.

Because of my procrastination, this happened just before my favourite time of the year. I can’t remember Christmas. I went through the motions, family and friends showed up, and all I could manage was to put one foot in front of the other. I was on automatic pilot. The whole day is vague, as is the week following, and New Years. When it came time to return to work, the cold/flu/gastro virus paid a visit, and kept me in seclusion for another 4 days. It was good timing. Emotionally I was not ready to jump back onto the treadmill.

Being semi-comatose has its advantages. I hardly raised an eyebrow when my hot water tank died, my telephones stopped working, the computer doc informed me that my hard disk is fried (no, I don’t have back-up of all those hours of writing, business files, pictures...), or during the four visits to the hospital since December 20th. They have found small tumours on my brother’s lungs (one of which is partially collapsed) and lymph nodes. I think the most enthusiasm I mustered during all this was when I told my brother that if he mentioned suicide again I would kill him myself. There was certainly none present as I informed the employees that we couldn’t take pays during the holidays; that, in fact, I would probably have to lay them off. The money has run out.

Last Saturday night I was awakened by a warm, sloppy tongue licking my nose. I opened my eyes to find Bud’s soft brown ones staring into mine, his whole body wiggling and his tail wagging madly. Grump looked up when I moved; he was lying behind me on the sofa, his head on my hip. I had fallen to sleep while watching the hockey game, the first one I had attempted to really see since before Christmas. It was the end of the third period, and I responded absently to the doggies’ insistent cuddling as I groggily watched my Canadiens tie the score, then beat Boston in overtime. My half-hearted yell of “Alright!!” had both Bud and Grump standing in front of me, eyes sparkling, ears cocked, anticipating the regular victory dance. I stared at them. There was no chagrin for having disturbed me in their gaze. Their expression was a “Hey, what are you waiting for? It’s boogie time!”

It was too funny not to laugh, and in that action, something clicked. They were right. Rest period was over. We needed to regroup.

I was giggling as I stood up and did an awkward, pyjama-clad version of a bump-‘n-grind, much to their delight. They were disappointed when it stopped there. I needed more sleep, and they reluctantly but obediently flopped down on the floor when I crawled into bed. Little did they realize that, due to their therapy, I was still smiling as I slid into the arms of Morpheus.

Sunday’s bright sun shining on my mountain only hastened the return of energy. Between listing plans of how to turn things around, I made a dent in the much neglected housework, there was cooking done, and I made peace with my temperamental laptop. I’m writing again.

If the year 2011 tries to play the same tricks as did 2010, I’m gonna kick its ass right into 2012!! There will be no more patiently waiting for things to get better, or people to get smarter. As any self-respecting doggie will tell you, it’s boogie time! And the first step of that dance is to SMILE! I am sending you all a HUGE, WARM one with my wishes for a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec.