THE VERDICT

‘Just missing the ‘T’ for it to be a complete burnout. ‘

I suspected it before I heard the verdict. I’ve been there, done that. It was one thing that scared the heck out of me. Emotions, body, sight and sound...everything goes numb.

The vacation opened the valve that was so carefully kept closed. Although spoiled generously by the kids who were with me, I was too tired to enjoy it as I should. To be sure there was better sleeping and eating than I did at home, and hours of solitary reflection in a beautiful setting, but it all seemed to be surface only; nothing was being felt deeper where it was needed. I began to worry.

Although the house smelled like a stable when I arrived home (Smooch is still not fully house-trained), the welcome received from the doggies was all anyone could want. It took me more than an hour to return their enthusiasm, wash the floor, and go for a short trek with them outside.

Then a bonus – Suzie was here! This wonderful best friend called to tell me her house in this area had been robbed, so she would be around for a couple of weeks to deal with police, claims, etc. We’d be seeing each other on the ‘morrow. I crawled into my own bed that night feeling that my worry was a false alarm – I was much better – things were going to be okay.

The next morning, I sat my desk and stared at a piece of blank paper. But wait ...it wasn’t blank. There was writing on it, numbers, but I couldn’t understand a damned thing, and couldn’t remember what I was supposed to do with it. My brain shut down. Okay, so I was tired. I moved away from my office, went for a walk with the delighted doggies, came back and snuggled up with them on the couch. A snooze should put me on track.

I went back to that paper four times during the day. Each time I looked down at it without picking it up, then walked away. It’s not that I didn’t want to do the work; I actually couldn’t even force myself to touch it again.

What was worse was that I didn’t care.

The visit at Suzie’s helped some. She fed me, chatted, made me laugh. I watched her watching me, but also knew she wouldn’t pry, but would wait for me to tell her what was wrong. I didn’t...not that night. I decided that it was back to the ‘one step at a time’ thing, the ‘tomorrow is another day’. I could make it happen. I always do.

And it worked, for a day. The constant ringing of the telephone became a white noise. An added request from a client, and my mind stopped. The hamster fell of its wheel. I turned everything off – telephone, computer, fax, the radio, even every light in the house, and went to bed. I stayed there for the rest of the day and the night. I remembered to feed the dogs around 3 AM. By this time my kids and Suzie, who had been trying to contact me, were getting frantic. I was sinking into a fuzzy cloud of grey. Fred came home and found me crying. I didn’t even realize that I was until my daughter texted for the umpteenth time and warned me to get back to her or she’d be coming here.

It was a wicked few days and the diagnosis just confirmed what we already knew. Steps needed to be taken. The first thing was food and sleep. Suzie made sure I ate one good meal a day, and I was in bed, at least relaxing, right after a short walk with the dogs. The client’s added request was refused definitely; two more clients are with other accountants now, and most of the income tax forms were farmed out to be done elsewhere too. I kept some work – I do need income – but the load has lightened. I get up from my desk every other hour and drowse. Slow but sure is the ticket now.

And I’m SMILING again!!!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec.

HOLÀ

THE GROUP PICTURE FROM MEXICO

These are my boys & girls. My natural born daughter is the little blonde standing with the sunglasses. My natural son is 3rd from right standing in the back row, with glasses & cap, and just in front of him is our little Yoshiko (his wife), also in sunglasses. The boys, while growing up, have lived at one time or another in my home for various reasons before moving on. The girls here are their wives, except for the 6' blonde kneeling on the right. She's my second daughter - has been part of our family since she became my daughter's best friend at 5 years old.

And I am the one covered up because of the nasty sunburn. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!)


And yes after a super week - I'm back, and head over heels in work. It was a fun trip - I was treated like royalty - the doyenne, a term one of the boys used, telling me it was a superior mother figure. I googled it anyway when I got back home, just in case.....

I have been into Blogit reading. Thought of you all often while visiting the Mayan ruins, while watching the Coco Bongo show (a frightening hoot), but especially while sitting quiet on out the resort deck admiring the palm trees and bright flowers and fluo-colored birds!!

Will write as soon as I can to tell you more. Sending you tanned and happy SMILES!!!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec

I came this close

(photo courtesy of Photobucket)
to not leaving for my Mexican vacation this weekend. None of my doggie-sitters worked out.

My son and daughter were showing signs of exasperation. They know me so well. They were thinking that if I was worried about the dogs, I would NOT have a good time. In fact, the only thing on my mind would be to come back home, pronto!

My friend, Susie (the Cuban one), who has been working with me a couple of days per week, knows me even better.

“You’re not going, are you?” she stated more than asked yesterday. I had just described the kennel visit done on Sunday; one room smaller than my office with no windows, where both dogs would be shut away with nothing to do or see except an hour’s run outside in the fenced area twice a day. The people were fine – they are friends of my daughter and love dogs...but it is a kennel after all, and they have to divide their time among the many animals they are boarding. The other places, with individual runs where a dog has access to outdoors whenever he wants, are prohibited to accept pit-bulls because insurance companies will not cover them.

Just picturing Grump-puppy stuck in there for 8 days was undoing me. In all his 6 years of life, he has never been shut away, except in our own huge house (where he was on guard duty) with humongous windows. What would be going through his mind? He’s such a sensitive and loving animal...he wouldn’t understand. Trauma with a capital ‘T’, and who in hell wants a traumatized pit-bull?

Smooch is just a puppy, still learning to trust that his mistress. Endowed with a very strong character, he is responding well to my training. Add that to mentoring by the passive Grump, his reactions suggest that he will be an outstanding dog. A puppy is made or broken in the first six months; the last thing he needs is a bad experience.

Susie was right; although I wasn’t looking forward to telling my kids, I had decided that I couldn’t do this to my dogs. I was staying home.

My neighbour, master of the beautiful Louka and my lovely Sally, saved the day...or rather, saved my vacation. Late last night he informed me that he will be working in the immediate area for the next month. Between him and his sister, also known and liked by my doggies, Grump and Smooch will be visited six to seven times during the day, let in and out, fed, watered, and played with when needed.

Alrighty then!!! Vayamos to Mexico!!

What do you think? Am I SMILING????? Count on it – and you are welcome to share it with me!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec.