HE AIN'T HEAVY, HE'S MY BROTHER

Daisy & Bird,8 months ago

The nights are the hardest. I shouldn’t hear him breathing from my bedroom, but I do. I can tell when he is sleeping, or the minute he sits up, laboring to get air. Although rasping, the cough is also muted because his lungs are so full and his throat is so swollen.

The hospital bed rented from the CLSC is in the living room, placed so that he can watch constant television and/or admire the beautiful view of my mountain. Each snooze doesn’t last long, one or two hours at the most. Timed with this erratic schedule, I pull up the comfy footstool beside him and we chat off and on, make coffee, and now and then I set out some of his favorite munchies in an attempt to have him eat. His appetite is at zero, of course. Radiation had already wiped out most of his taste buds, and the chemo has screwed up whatever was left.

Our chats consist a lot me saying ‘What?’, and he grins, then shakes his head a little before repeating what he had whispered.

“We’re two parts of the ‘hear no evil, say no evil, see no evil,’” he laughs back at me. “One dumb, the other deaf. Or maybe it’s the same one who is both…”

He knows enough to duck.

In spite of his pain, his sense of humor is intact. Teasing and giggling are part of our all night conversations. There is no serious talk…not yet. We’ll wait until after the first CT scan, scheduled for August 6th (yep – hospitals are so busy the appointment is on a Saturday, at 9 PM!!). The scan will tell us what the radiation and chemo have, or have not, accomplished.

As anyone who has lived with cancer knows, there are good days and bad days. On the good days, the nice weather coaxes us out onto the gallery, and we swing, enjoying that special, peaceful silence found only in the bush. Grump alternates between us – head and neck rubs are on double offer, and he’s taking full advantage. Louka and Sally join us more often than not. Those two ladies are again in heat, and Grump’s confused reactions are fodder for Bird’s hilarious one-liners.

“Stonas”, my brother said to me when I joined him on the gallery yesterday. “That name just came into my mind. I’m trying to remember where I’ve heard it before.”

“Neighbors down the road from the farm,” I answered, surprised. “Geez, I haven’t thought of them since we left there! A long time ago, Bird!”

He nodded thoughtfully; started naming others who peopled our past. From there we recalled incidents from our childhood, one leading to the other. He has always been able to glean amusement from the most commonplace events, and things that make another’s hair rise in anger bring a grin to his face. Being such a rascal himself, very rarely will he judge anyone else, although it doesn’t stop him from making smart-ass comments. He is easily forgiven because the comments are also witty and most times comical.

As happened for both my sister and my mom, friends and family gather to give time and support. Line is doing more than her share for the business, and Helen, who was also there for my mom, makes herself available whenever I need to go into the office. Since we already have one day a week to drive into the hospital, I work from home as much as possible. Fran is an important part of my bro’s life, and spends hours watching movies with him, bringing along her little daschund, Daisy. That tiny, noisy creature loves Bird, and the feeling is mutual. Animal lovers will agree – having a trusting, furry creature cuddle up to you is ultimate comfort.

Bird bends down to Daisy, crooning whispers, and she pushes her long nose under his chin. When her warm tongue gently licks his cheek, he glances up and winks at Fran and me, and we SMILE together.

SMILES are on their way to all of you too. And again I thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts; we can feel them surrounding us.

Luv from the Bush in Quebec