NOT SO GOOD...

The Bird, with Fran
When I got my e-mail from Kilroy, asking to please take time to let him know what was going on, I realized how long it has been since I had last posted.

The past few days have been rough. A week ago Friday, I woke to sounds of Bird wandering around in the house. The noises of his slippers scuffing over the wood floors didn’t ring right – he wasn’t just going to the bathroom, but moving back and forth every which way. He was extremely agitated, and very confused. There were bags haphazardly packed and placed by the door of his bedroom. We needed to get out of here, he told me wildly. He had been looking for me, because he didn’t want to leave without me. It took a few minutes to calm him down, to explain that we were in our house, to remind him that he had moved in with me during the summer. He finally ‘came back to earth’, remembered where he was, and shook his head sadly over his antics. It was only the beginning.

We had an appointment with his doctor on Thursday, but the Bird had many such lapses before then. He was sleeping even less, or shorter periods. I had to keep my eye on him constantly when he was awake, because he would slip in and out of the present at any time. He has no recall at all of having seen the doctor, but is aware that the cancer is spreading. The doctor prescribed medication to reduce the swelling in his brain, and told me no further appointments are necessary – to call him if we needed something. Bird refused to take their test drug Tarceva, and it is as if the specialists have washed their hands of him now.

Thanksgiving Friday was a nightmare. Bird was lost, and no longer able to function. He alternated between being dozy one moment and off the wall the next. He wasn’t able to swallow, or ignored, his pain medication. This, of course, made him hyper. There was no sleep for either of us. By the time the home care nurse showed up on Saturday morning (a plus because they usually only came once a week on Mondays) it was apparent that something needed to be done, and quickly. An ambulance was called, and we went to the village hospital so that the doctor there could install butterflies on his arms and leg and prescribe liquid injections. We got back home around 6 PM Saturday night, again by ambulance.

Bird helped to care for our Mom, and remembers that the injections were the last step before she passed over. I can only guess that this is why he panicked when he saw me with the syringe in hand. He refused to take it. The patch also prescribed was in place, but had not sufficient time to take effect, so he was suffering. Even so, it took most of the night, and hours of pain, before he finally allowed me to use the butterfly for the medicine. He’s still convinced that it will hurry his end, so will take it only when his endurance gives out. The result is that he is getting just enough to keep him slightly ‘high’; sleep is still of short duration.

However…today is Thanksgiving Day….and the Bird has rallied. He’s such a tough Bird!!! Although he has eaten nothing except a couple of popsicles since Friday, he is still drinking plenty of thickened water, and both the medication to alleviate the swelling in his brain and the patch for his pain seem to be working. A relaxing sponge bath and a visit with Fran this afternoon set the tone.

Earlier this evening we sat together and chatted. He got a good laugh from the stories about his recent forays into the Twilight Zone, and promised to wake me and to take the injection if he feels pain…BEFORE he wanders around!! I tucked him into a layer of pillows with his favorite blue duvet, surrounding him with that fresh-washed smell of a blanket dried outside on the clothesline. When I bent over to kiss his forehead goodnight, he was SMILING.

Sending warm SMILES out to you also, folks, with our hopes that you enjoyed a memorable CANADIAN THANKSGIVING!

Luv from the Bush in Quebec.